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Well... I was all prepared to write a nice blog today about it being the first day of Lent and how I am renewing my committment to this challenge with new fervor.. which I guess I still am.

But I woke this morning to a message from my partner to say that she's dropping out of the challenge AND out of the friendship.  I don't know what to say.  Its odd to be shedding so many tears over someone I've never met.  we've had some ups and downs in the friendship but through it all we've cared for each other and loved being "best buds".. well..at least I thought so.  She hasn't given me an explanation and only said that the fact that I keep telling her that I am here for her and care about her is one of the reasons.  I will pray for her.. I know at her weak moments she makes some poor choices and I hope this turns out to be a step forward for her and knows that I still care and am here if she needs me.. but I'm soooooo confused and hurt.  This came out of nowhere..

I guess if anyone reading this knows someone looking for a partner, let me know.  But if not, I guess I'll have to drop out too, cause even though I weigh enough for 2 people, I'm not a couple.

Good luck everyone!

-Brian

Wow I've really slacked off on my blogging.. I told myself that I would keep up on it throughout the weekend... well theres always next weekend to prove that theory!! I read Brian's blog and have to agree.. there are definetly some friends that can say things about your weight, but when it comes to needing their support to drop those pounds.. forget about it..  I am blessed with my best friend, Kelly... she is a huge support to me here, she is constantly picking me up when I am down and walking beside me when I just need the support.. I know you will read this... I love you Kelly..

 

Brian is my support through online, phone and texting.. knowing that he is counting on me.. does help me get through the days a little easier..  but through it all I find myself still struggling at times.. trying to talk myself into just this "once" or just a "little" bit wont hurt.. But as we all know.. once and a little bit add up. 

 

The last couple years have been difficult ones for me.. I've been in and out of depression, more in then out.. slowly gaining more and more weight.. A few months ago I was diagnosed with Polysistic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which surprisingly causes depression and weight gain..its a hormonal imbalance that the birth control pill can usually regulate.. my levels are now regulated, so losing weight should not be a problem now for me..

 

I gained weight for both my pregnancies but then there was a reason.  It's difficult to see pictures of what I looked like just 2 years ago and see how I've let myself go.. I know that I need to stop being angry at myself and accept myself now and know that everyday I'm bettering myself..

 

I am  30 years old and hermit myself inside my house when I'm not working.. and you know what.. I'm damn tired of it!! Life is to short and I dont want to look back 2 more years from now saying "if only"...

 

We can do this Brian!!! Love ya

Well..its been a few days since we blogged.. Both Tonya and I have had our weak moments and times when bad habits and self doubt have creeped it, but we are both making great strides in making lifestyle changes and in supporting each other.  tough to do from so far away, but gotta love technology!

 

what I find so interesting is the friends who aren't being supportive and are trying to talk me into eating poorly or having an extra beer, etc.  I'm really trying.. but its odd that I'm doing better on my own than with most of my friends.  They've always told me to do something about my weight, but when all they have to do is NOT discourage me.. alot haven't been very helpful.  It was quite the surprise.. I'm curious if others are finding the same thing.

 

Tonya and I are eating pretty well.. and slowing incorporating exercise.. I think we're smart to make the changes one step at a time so they seem more natural.

 

thanks to all our new friends on here for all their support.

 

hugsss,

Brian